


Rock out with your cock out, unless fisting isn't really your thing and your bff claims he's got better ass than your sub and is ready to prove y'all.

by KayleighMcCamyo



Series: Groupchats of One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer [8]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crack, Daddy Kink, Dicks, Fisting, Humor, I Don't Even Know, I am so sorry, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, Muke - Freeform, Multi, Sarcasm, Self Fucking, Stupidity, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Trash Talk, Why Did I Write This?, band texts, bottoms, crackfic, groupchat, larry - Freeform, they are all crazy and stupid, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 12:24:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4521843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayleighMcCamyo/pseuds/KayleighMcCamyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall: yes, the bum thing.</p><p>Liam: no please no bum things</p><p>Luke: YAS to all the bum things. </p><p>Liam: luke you are a baby penguin and you are not allowED</p><p>Luke: yeah? what you gonna do about it, daddy? </p><p>Liam: ill spank you</p><p>Ash: OH MY G DO AN I WATCH?!?!!?!?!§</p><p>Niall: Im getting my camera. </p><p>Liam: oh my god. </p><p>Zayn: it was that moment Liam realized: he fucked up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rock out with your cock out, unless fisting isn't really your thing and your bff claims he's got better ass than your sub and is ready to prove y'all.

**Author's Note:**

> First of all I wanna personally apologize to every single person who read all of those groupchats. i am so sorry and I understand that you hate me, on the other hand, I wanna thank y'all for leaving kudos and comments here. I had no idea there are going to be idiots stupid enough to read it, let alone ALL of it.  
> And also shoutout to KohtaKiller for all the lovely comments and Stockholm_Syndrome, the Harry to my Louis, for all the support and inspiration. Love you, bro-pal-mate.  
> Last but not least: Im have no idea how Ive ended up here, sitting on my lovers bed, laughing my ass off as I post this, the bullshittiest thing ive ever written in my entire career. (And I usually write 21+ gayporn.)

Niall has started a groupchat. He’s invited: Cal, Mikey, Ash, Luke, Liam, Louis, Zayn, Harry.

 

 **Niall** : hey all of my bitchez

 **Zayn** : I am a gracious sex god

 **Luke** : I am baby penguin

 **Ash** : I am daddy

 **Harry** : I am princess

 **Mikey** : I AM BADASS PUNKROCK BISEXUAL DRAGON WITH THE ABILITY TO TEMPORARY DIE

 **Louis** : I HAVE THE BEST BOTTOM YOU FUCKASSES

 **Louis** : THIS BAND EXISTS FOR THE SOLEMN REASON OF MY BUM ASK YALL MY FANS EVERYONE WILL FUCKING TELL YOU

 **Liam** : I am moVING THE FUCK OUT!!!

 **Niall** : yall my bitches, one way or another

 **Harry** : …

 **Ash** : where is the lie, tho

 **Cal** : I HAVE BETTER BOTTOM THAN YOU

 **Cal** : MY BUM IS THE BEST ASK LUKE HE'S GOT A THING FOR IT HE SNAPS PHOTOS OF IT LIKE EVERYDAY AND POSTS IN ON IG

 **Niall** : yes, the bum thing.

 **Liam** : no please no bum things

 **Luke** : YAS to all the bum things. 

 **Liam** : luke you are a baby penguin and you are not allowED

 **Luke** : yeah? what you gonna do about it, daddy? 

 **Liam** : ill spank you

 **Ash** : OH MY G DO AN I WATCH?!?!!?!?!§

 **Niall** : Im getting my camera. 

 **Liam** : oh my god. 

 **Zayn** : it was that moment Liam realized: he fucked up.

 **Hary** : Luke baby i am so proud. 

 **Mikey** : this is golden

 **Cal** : MY BUM IS GOLDEN U LIL PRICK

 **Luke** : have you seen michaels prick seriously its a lot of things but definitelly not "lil". 

 **Liam** : OH MY GUKDING GOD LUKE ODNT,?!!?!

 **Harry** : omg lukey penguin i am so proud 

 **Louis** : WATCH YOUR TONGUE THAT'S MY WIFE YOURE TALKING TO

 **Mikey** : the bisexual punkrock dragon is going to stay in his line and takes Louis‘ side

 **Luke** : :D

 **Liam** : I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT BUMS TODAY LET ME LIVE

 **Louis** : you are my fav punkrock dragon.

 **Niall** : can someone comfort Liam

 **Mikey** : Ily, Louis. You have better bum than Calum.

 **Louis** : awww, you a babe.

 **Harry** : He's in his room, refusing to leave or let anyone in

 **Zayn** : ehehe

 **Ash** : zayn oh my god

 **Luke** : Im moving in with the 1d boys

 **Ash** : Niall where is the larry sextape we got last week

 **Liam** : NO PLEASE NO

 **Cal** : I DEMAND PUBLIC  VOTING ABOUT THE BEST BUM

 **Louis** : I DEMAND THE SAME

 **Harry** : Louis just come back to my room ill show you how perfect your bum is *wink wink*

 **Luke** : I AM COMING IN

 **Ash** : Oh My god I AM COMING IN TOO

 **Liam** : I HATE THIS BAND

 **Luke** : haha

 **Mikey** : I am no longer interested in sleep.

 **Zayn** : Niall, you have another job

 **Liam** : IM MOVING OUT IM MOVING THE FUC KOU T!!!!!!

 **Ash** : IM MOVING IN I AM MO VING THE FCUK IN !!!!!

 **Mikey** : this is golden.

 **Cal** : FUCK YOU HAZ WE ARE ARGUING YOU CAN'T JUST THROW YOUR DICK INTO OUR CONVERSATION

 **Luke** : yeah, we’ve got michael for that

 **Ash** : ABOVE THAT YOUR OWN!

 **Mikey** : I am still here, you guys.

 **Niall** : I have to deal with all this every day

 **Luke** : oh my god

 **Ash** : how

 **Cal** : WHY IS EVERYTHIGN ABOUT YOUR BUM YOU FUCKTARD

 **Mikey** : and this is literally golden

 **Louis** : YOUR DICK NEEDS TO WAIT HARRY MY BUM WAS DEEPLY INSULTED I AM FIGHTING FOR MY DIGNITY

 **Niall** : I have no idea

 **Harry** : Lou, love, you have no dignity since the day you begged me to show a fist up your arse.

 **Luke** : same.

 **Louis** : Harry stop giving me a boner there's naked Calum beside me

 **Liam** : I AM FUCKIGN LEAVING THIS HOUSEHOLD I AM TAKING MY 10 INCH PAIN TRAIN AND I AM LEAVING luke you are a baby you are not alowed to say things like that oh my guckinf fgod 

 **Zayn** : what u want now i have my coke and popcorn shut up

 **Louis** : yeah, zaynenjoyed that one. 

 **Liam** : I AM MOVING HTE FUCK OUT OF HERE

 **Mikey:** this is literally golden , absolutely golden

 **Ash** : oh for fuck's sake Niall please tell me you’ve got this filmed because if this doesn't exist-

 **Luke** : Ash I think I need you

 **Ash** : oh my god luke stop causing daddy a boner

 **Liam** : OH MHGRI FUCKNED GOD WHAT ID I DO TO THE FUCKIGN UNIVERSE TO DESRECVE TSHI!?!?!?!!?!?

 **Zayn** : haha

 **Cal** : I DON'T UDNRESTANG?!?!?!?!

 **Mikey** : this conversation is a fucking mess and i am loving every second of it

 **Cal** : THIS IS MY ARGUMENT ABOUT MY BUM LOUIS CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

 **Harry** : …

 **Niall** : …

 **Zayn** : please noone say that

 **Luke** : … omg…?

 **Ash** : I-

 **Cal** : wait, what?

 **Niall** : …

 **Ash** : is it… what I think…?

 **Zayn** : DON'T. Ash, don't.

 **Cal** : what, what did I do? What did I say?!?!

 **Louis** : ^^

 **Harry** : *smiley face*

 **Mikey** : … omg louis teach me

 **Liam** : … please no.

 **Luke** : plEASE YES?!?!

 **Ash** : I am literally moving in immediately. 

 **Cal** : CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT DID I SAY

 **Mikey** : louis u my hero.

 **Cal** : THIS CONVERSATION IS A FUCKIGN MESS WHY DID YOU SUDDENLY STOP AND LISTEN TO ME?!?!?!

 **Zayn** : everybody, shut up.

 **Harry** : okay

 **Louis** : ^^

 **Zayn** : everybody shut up, don't talk about it, don't say a word about it. Liam will lose it, and i am not ready for that.

 **Luke** : so…

 **Harry** : …yeah.

 **Ash** : I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD LOUIS

 **Niall** : why can't we talk about it, Zayn? You are being rude again.

 **Cal** : WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY?!?!? I WANNA KNOW,!?!?!

 **Mikey** : this is golden and im loving this, lets discuss this.

 **Harry** : no mikey we can't talk about it.

 **Louis** : ^^

 **Mikey** : why???

 **Cal** : I WANNA KNOW OHW DID I MAKE YOU LISTEN TO ME HOW WAS I ABLE TO CALM THE CONVERSATION DOWN TO JUST ONE ISSUE

 **Mikey** : …

 **Harry** : it's Liam.

 **Louis** : ^^

 **Zayn** : it stresses Liam.

 **Niall** : for some… unknown reason.

 **Liam** : Liam isn't even here.

 **Harry** : we think liam is jealous and is weirdly turned on by this.

 **Luke** : i am turned on

 **Ash** : i am touching myself rn

 **Mikey** : i need to try.

 **Cal** : BY WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMEONE EXPLAIN

 **Zayn** : don't mikey it hurts as fuck only the best bottoms can do so

 **Cal** : I JUST SAID LOUIS CAN FUCK HIMSELF AND LIKE THAT'S PRETTY NORMAL WE YELL WORSE THINGS AT EACH OTHER

 **Harry** : yes, he can *smiley emoji*

 **Louis** : ^^

 **Ash** : oh my god.

 **Niall** : HARRY!!!

 **Cal** : …what?

 **Harry** : I said, Louis can fuck himself.

 **Ash** : I-

 **Cal** : Like… you are aking my side, or… wath?

 **Zayn** : no, he means literally.

 **Liam** : …

 **Harry** : Louis can literally fuck… himself.

 **Liam** : …

 **Zayn** : were not allowed to talk about it.

 **Liam** : …

 **Harry** : it stresses Liam.

 **Liam** : …

 **Mikey** : literally guys like i don't understand how does this even work in your heads?

 **Liam** : I AM SUFHC ANIDE CPRESON WHA DO I HAVE TO READ THINGS LIKE THIS I DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE THIS  AI MA AN ICE CHRISTIAN KUD I AM SUCH AN ICE PRESON I LOVE EOPLE AND I HAVEN T MURDERD ANYONE YET AND I HAVE GIRLDFRIEDN ADN NICE FRIENDS AN DI LOVE MY GFAMILY AND I LOVE MY FANS IAND I AM A GOOD PRESN WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE THSI WHAT DID I DO IN ALL OF MY PAST LIVES TO DESERVE THIS

 **Zayn** : we don't usally talk about this.

 **Liam** : I HAD TO BE A FUCKIGN HITLER IN MY PAST LIFE I HAVE NO IDEA WHY DOES GOD HA TE ME SO MCHU CH I HAVE NO IDEA WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED LIKE THIS

 **Harry** : it stresses liam.

 **Liam** : I NEVER SIGNE DU UP FOR THIS I AM A NICE PERSON AND I HAVE HUMBLE PERSONALITY AND I'm NATURE FRIENDLY AND I OTLERATE EVERYONE

 **Mikey** : this is golden.

 **Liam** : WHY?!?! AWJY,§?!?!?!?!!?!?!?l/“!@{[ĐE>ß

 **Ash** : cal?

 **Luke** : oh my god right cal?!?! Are you okay?!

 **Liam** : WHY WOULD ANYM=ONE WANT TO MAKE ME SUFFER LIKE THi- wait calum are you okay?

 **Harry** : calum i am sorry. This was about to tease Liam and his „heterosexuality“, nto to scare you for life.

 **Ash** : Cal?

 **Luke** : oh my god i s my husband okay?!

 **Mikey** : fuck shut up finally we can ask Pete Wentz to join our band

 **Ash** : michael don't be rude

 **Luke** : yeah u know what happens to rude people

 **Liam** : calum don't listen to them

 **Louis** : yall don't worry, he’s apparently in some kind of a shock, looking at the screen and hyperventilating.

 **Harry** : ^^

 **Niall** : should I take my camera and join you in your room?

 **Ash** : he's probably trying to get over the fact that you have better bottom than him.

 **Louis** : probably.

 **Louis** : I mean, he's hard.

 **Mikey** : oh my god this is golden I am moving in

 **Ash** : I DEMAND PICTURES                                                                    

 **Niall** : I DEMAND VIDEO!!!

 **Luke** : I DEMAND A PART IN THIS IT'S MY HUSBAND

 **Harry** : I DEMAND WATCHING IT IT'S MY HUSBAND, TOO

 **Zayn** : I DEMAND YALL TO LISTEN TO ME CUZ I AM YOUR GOD

 **Mikey** : I DEMAND A PART IN THIS TOO BECAUSE I AM BISEXUAL DRAGON

 **Liam** : I DEMAND YALL TO LET ME MOVE OUT OF THIS HOUSEHOLD AND LEAVE THE BAND AND I AM LEAVING YOU ALL BECAUSE I HATE THIS BAND AND I HATE THIS HOUSEHOLD AND I HATE YALL AND I AM TAKING MY PROPERTY WITH ME

**Liam Payne has left the conversation.**

**Cal** : I-

 **Niall** : …

 **Zayn** : …

 **Ash** : did we took it too far?

 **Harry** : …

 **Niall** : um… idk

 **Mikey** : …eh

 **Zayn** : well…

 **Luke** : um

 **Ash** : …

 **Harry** : so…

 **Louis** : should we tell him we are his property or…

 **Harry** : …

 **Ash** : …

 **Luke** : …

 **Niall** : …

 **Zayn** : … wow, louis. Just fucking wow.

 **Luke** : … well this is all weird, tho.

 **Ash** : duh.

 **Mikey** : hm-hm.

 **Harry** : what?

 **Cal** :…

 **Cal** : ….

 **Cal** : …. I have actually nothing to say.

 **Ash** : it's usually calum who leaves the conversation.

 **Louis** : of course you don't have anything to say your bum just lost to my bum which means i own your god dammned arse and can do anything i want to it.  

**Calum Hood has left the conversation.**

**Harry** : I-

 **Louis** : …

 **Mikey** : so…

 **Mikey** : what about that gangbang in calums room?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Can  
> Can somebody please take the laptop away from me  
> Seriously the first two groupchats weere funny  
> Now its just like- 
> 
> ...
> 
> why
> 
> (Punk-cocks is where i live and you are welcome to strangle me to death there. Please and Thank you.)


End file.
